When it is someone you know.
↳ read the safety note before the how-to
Please read this first
If you think someone is monitoring your phone, do not start by removing it.
From the Coalition Against Stalkerware, verbatim:
“Removing stalkerware or other monitoring detection and/or making significant changes may be detected by the abuser and could increase the abuse and harassment.”
“Deleting stalkerware means also deleting evidence related to this. If you wish to report the incident, you may need to seek help from law enforcement, as this evidence could be helpful.”
Their guidance is to build a safety plan with the assistance of a trusted survivor assistance program, and to attempt removal only if you believe it is safe to do so. That ordering is deliberate and it matters more than anything else in this section.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, available 24 hours a day and confidential. Technical safety guidance is available from stopstalkerware.org and techsafety.org.
↳ how common, honestly:
The most recent industry count comes from one security vendor’s 2023 to 2024 report: 31,031 unique affected users in 2023, up from 29,312 the year before, with the largest counts in Russia, Brazil and India. No 2025 or 2026 edition exists.
The vendor’s own caveat is the important part: “The statistics reflect only mobile users of Kaspersky’s security solutions.” These counts undercount badly. Treat them as a floor, not a prevalence rate.
The same report’s survey found 12% of respondents admitting they had installed monitoring software or altered settings on a partner’s phone, 13% reporting a partner had done so to them, and 23% encountering online stalking from someone they had recently started dating.
↳ trackers, and what actually shipped:
In May 2024 Apple and Google jointly shipped a detection specification, so that an unknown tracker moving with you produces an alert regardless of the platform the device is paired with. It is in iOS 17.5 and Android 6.0 and later, and Chipolo, eufy, Jio, Motorola and Pebblebee committed to compatibility. Call it an industry specification rather than a standard: the underlying draft has expired.
Two limits worth stating. It detects trackers, not a phone running monitoring software, which is the more common interpersonal case. And the AirTag litigation against Apple is still live: a docket entry showing it terminated in July 2026 reflects a transfer to a different district, not a dismissal or settlement.
If you are checking a device and it is safe to do so, the places to look are app permissions and Safety Check on iOS, and on Android the device-admin app list and, above all, accessibility services, which is the mechanism most monitoring software relies on. Verify the exact menu paths on the device itself, since they move between versions.